A few people have joked with me that naming your album “Unravel” is pretty much like actively telling the world you are about to fall apart. I thought about that a lot when coming up with that title. But I loved the way the word sounded. I loved the fact that it could have a negative connotation, but also a positive one: life unravels, stories unravels, mysteries unravel.
And, to be honest, I think I’ve unraveled in both ways. There have been a lot of times in the last few months when I’ve felt plagued with self doubt and frustration in terms of figuring out where I am supposed to be in music and in life. I felt at times that I was slowly unraveling in the worst kind of way. And so, to calm down, I decided to attend yoga more regularly. If for nothing else, to build a better sense of balance.
It’s funny how after you have a certain word in mind, you start to hear it everywhere. For some reason, in yoga classes the word started to pop up again and again. But here, it was used differently. When holding my body tightly in a pose, or when using all my strength, or when my muscles start to shake, I hear the teacher say: “Ok. It’s time to release that and allow your body to open up and unravel.”
So I started thinking. Unraveling might just mean letting go, not necessarily falling apart. Why am I so afraid to let go and unravel? Could unraveling mean becoming totally open, free of tension or judgement? Can I truly allow myself to unravel?
I think that the album itself is an opening, a letting go of thoughts translated into words and music. But, I also feel that deliberately giving this creation of mine the name “Unravel” might have been a subconscious challenge for me too – a challenge to continue unraveling and being open in my music. A secret plea to let go and stop holding on to what I feel I’m supposed to be. Even if I might be self conscious about what people may think. Even if being truly open means writing songs that come from places inside me that aren’t happy, or kind, or thoughtful, or any of the other good things that we hope the world sees in us.
So I made a deal with myself: It’s ok to completely unravel. And in creating new music this year, unraveling is something I am striving more towards now than ever before.